On Sex, Sexuality and Pleasure

A few weeks ago, I finally said YES to the call of doing this body of work on Sex, Sexuality and Pleasure! And, the reception has all been a pleasant surprise really, because I’d initially been quite terrified of stepping into it, given just how much we as a society tip toe around this topic.

The feedback has been to definitely do more of this work. … because, the matter of sex in our society is shrouded by so much shame, embarrassment and guilt.

Shame for talking about it, wanting it and for expressing our desire and enjoyment of it.

Embarrassment around talking about it, asking for it and exposing our naked bodies to receive pleasure.

And, guilt for enjoying and wanting so badly something that a lot of us have been taught is bad, evil and sin.

The work is vast, and I’m so glad we’re finally doing it. And, here have been some of my observations.

• • A lot of us are quite terrified of talking about sex. And, this makes it very difficult to talk about it with our partners and in our homes with our children and significant others.

This lack of talk about sex is part of what makes it very difficult to share with our partners when we have not been satisfied or in asking for what we want in bed.

This lack of talk about sex is part of what makes it difficult to talk about any form of sexual violations that might take place within our homes and communities, because we’ve simply never developed the language and the comfort to talk about matters relating to sex and our genitalia.

Many of us simply just do it but don’t talk about it. And, the experience for many people is that we find ourselves in relationships where we are not enjoying the sex, and without the tools and the language to talk to our partners about this. Many women have never experienced an orgasm. And, many women, the world over, fake orgasms.

And, a huge part of my work is in getting us talking about sex and cutting our cords of shame and embarrassment around this thing.

• • A lot of us are sitting with so much cultural and societal baggage around sex. And, this is usually in the form of what we’ve been taught while growing up about our bodies, about sex itself and about pleasure.

We might have grown up in homes where our primary care takers or parents did not talk about sex and hid their own intimacy, and therefore implicitly and non-verbally teaching us that sex is not to be spoken about and that it is to be hidden.

We might have also grown up in homes where our primary care takers hid their bodies and any material related to sex, and therefore implicitly and non-verbally teaching us to hide and be ashamed of our bodies and to hide sex and anything intimate.

We might have also grown up in homes where our genitals were not called by their actual names (vagina, penis etc.) And, this beating around the bush would have taught us that our genitals are to be embarrassed about and not even touched. For many human beings, we had our little hands slapped when found playing or touching our genitals, something that built a lot of shame around our bodies and guilt for enjoying what we felt when we touched our genitals.

A lot of us were taught that sex is bad and that its enjoyment is a portal for evil. And, this messaging – of something we find ourselves enjoying so much being bad and evil – has created a very complex dissonance that creates all sorts of energetic dysfunction within us. And, some of this repressed energy finds its way out of our bodies in the form of sexual violence.

• • Most of us want to pretend that sex doesn’t exists, even though you and I are sitting here as living and breathing proof that two individuals somewhere engaged in sexual intercourse.

This pretense has found its way into our policy making, especially where the education of our young human beings is concerned. We’re still very deeply embarrassed and ashamed of this thing while teaching young human beings about it. And, this creates a lot of havoc for our young children.

And, we find that no real conversation is happening about sex, either within the home or at school.

Most parents, being so deeply ashamed and too embarrassed about sex, and also lacking the internal tools to lead this conversation, usually just leave it to the Teachers to do this abandoned yet important work.

And, most of our Curriculum Architects, also being so deeply ashamed of this thing and having never spoken to about it as children themselves, want to conceal so much from the children, out of fear of what might really happened when the children knew exactly what sex is.

But this doesn’t stop the children from searching elsewhere and experimenting on their own, because no matter how much we deny it, our sexuality is a very natural thing. And, at some point in the life of a young human being, they begin to discover themselves as sexual beings.

This pretense has also found its way into our policy making around sex work. Many of us simply want to pretend that sex work doesn’t exist even though some of us are regularly enjoying these services. ‘Prostitution’ is as old as sex itself, and this attempt at closing our eyes, hoping it will vanish, results in those providing such services without any legal protection in their work.

And, this body of work on Sex, Sexuality and Pleasure is for us to deeply explore what’s happening here. To deeply interrogate ourselves about why we are so deeply ashamed and embarrassed in wanting and talking about sex, and why we are faking orgasms.

We also want to look at what all this means for our broader society, because all of our existence is so interconnected.

The intention for this work is for us to heal. To heal the deep shame we hold around sex and our bodies. To heal the deep embarrassment when wanting sex and taking off our clothes. And, to heal the deep guilt of enjoying this thing and reclaim an abundant, liberated and erotic sexuality.

Here are the next steps. 

• • I’m building a free-content Facebook Community of women who are doing this inner work of healing and reclaiming their erotic sexuality. We’ve recently completed a 3-Day Masterclass series, and more! If this work resonates with you, feel free to come join us at this link.

• • If you’re in need of Coaching for your sex life, then you may check out my Coaching packages here.

• • Drop me an email at hello@tumelomoreri.com and share any thoughts you might have about this work or in case you want to book a Coaching session with me.
  • Sign up for my newsletter here and access more free content + any updates I share about this work and new offers I create.